Becoming Bella
by arte0135
Summary: Bella's journey on finding herself after Edward leaves her and discovering the true meaning behind being independent and being a strong woman.AU,please read,but will include bashing of characters and certain situations.


I always wanted to write a one-shot in Bella' point of view after Edward leaves. I liked Twilight, but I hate the rest of the books. Meyers makes women so weak and I hated how Bella changed into such a needy girl. So, now I am writing my own version on how Bella grew up and gained a backbone. Enjoy.

Warning: **bashing of characters and completely AU. This will not be a love story between Edward/Bella, Bella/Jacob, so don't complain about how they didn't end up together.**

~Never Again~

My heart broke from every word coming from his lips. All that I feared about our relationship, he used against me and never in my life had I felt so used.

Every word, every promise, look and kiss crosses through my head and I feel dead. A part of me is screaming and I want to cry, I want to slap him, hit him, spit at him for hurting me.

But that gives way to despair and a realization that I was nothing more than a distraction. A seventeen year old human with an appealing scent and an unreadable mind. A play thing for a bored vampire over a hundred years old.

I should have known better. I was not the prettiest girl nor the most intelligent. I was normal, average and clumsy. And weak. I was weak.

Weak for falling for his looks.

Weak for letting him consume my thoughts.

Weak for letting him get near me.

Weak for giving him my heart.

And finally weak for standing here and doing nothing.

And yet, I was strong enough to stand. To not let him see how much he was hurting me.

I stood, my face blank and let him destroy my heart, my self-esteem.

And then, he had the gall to tell me to keep safe! For Charlie's sake to be safe, but I saw through the lie.

I saw the truth. And my hurt, the anguish gave way to betrayal.

He was leaving. He was leaving me.

He was leaving because he was scared. He was too weak to fight for our love.

I had given him my heart and yet he refused to give me anything in return, but empty promises, now broken.

He refused to be my anything, while he took and took.

And now, he was saving himself, not caring if I hurt. If my heart would never be able to recover.

And I saw through my weakness and discovered hidden strength. The same strength that was keeping my tears in check, the strength that was keeping me standing and found that although my heart was torn and hurt filled my chest, I would recover.

I would love again. I would find someone that would try to make our relationship work and not bail when we hit the first bump on the road to happiness. Someone, who would show me that they loved me and would treasure me, not break me.

Every word, every look, kiss and touch passes through my head and for the first time I can see clearly.

I was no longer blind. I saw the truth for what it was: Edward Cullen was a monster.

A monster that preyed on me and I was a fool, who had read too many novels to see how unhealthy our relationship was.

He said that he was a killer and I ignored it because he was mysterious and different. He fascinated me.

He said that he didn't want to be my friend and I begged to be more.

He said that his beauty was an allure to entrap his victims and I fell into it with my eyes wide opened.

He stalked me, followed me, violated my privacy for entertainment and I ignored my intuition that screamed at me how wrong it was and forced myself to feel faltered.

He saved me and like a mental case with Stockholm syndrome followed him like a lost puppy.

Every kiss and touch was restrained because of fear. Fear that he would suck me dry, fear that he would physically break me, but I ignored it and passed it off as caring.

He left several clues and hints on why a vampire could never be with a human and I made myself believe that I was better than that. No wonder Rosalie hated me!

Edward hurt me, but I gave him the tools necessary for him to do it. I handed him the hammer that he used without hesitation to break my heart.

He was leaving because he was scared. If I read too many novels, then so had he.

In his mind, he built a perfect Shakespearean version of love. Remembering our earlier conversation on Romeo and Juliet, I realized that he is a romantic fool and now that he has realized that love involved danger, fear of getting hurt, of opening yourself up and being rejected, he was running off and leaving me to pick up the pieces.

And I laugh, breaking the tense silence after he was done talking and awaited my reply.

I deserved better. I deserved a man that would fight for me and not give up and strike back with all of my insecurities and make himself believe that he was doing this for the best, that he doing this for _me_.

He was delusional! The cold truth was that he was doing this for himself.

I look at him and take in his unnatural grace and beauty and no longer feel my heart rate increase or blood rush into my cheeks. Instead I am immune and see him clearly beyond his supermodel appearance and see a weak man, who has condemned his self and his existence.

If I was weak, then so was he.

But I would grow stronger. I would value my life, instead of spending eternity damning it.

I smile and he looks confuse, not realizing that he has set me free, that his weakness is my salvation. I laugh at his confusion and my stupidity. To think I wanted to be one of them!

Being a vampire would be losing my parents, my life, a future with children and sunshine; instead I would get darkness, boredom and hunger. One look at Jasper and his struggle was enough to make me face reality.

"Thank-you, Cullen." And with those words turn away from him and walk away. Let him wonder for the rest of eternity the meaning behind those words. And I wish Alice could hear me now: Fuck-you.

* * *

A/N: So far this is it, but I plan to do more.

Like I said I wanted to write a story where Bella was a strong female, not a door mate. I know that we love to see Edward/Bella together, but think about it: if some guy did the same to you, would you forgive me and pretend that it is nothing?

I would not.

Because some things are NOT forgivable. Like a guy hitting you, demeaning you and leaving you for bullshit reasons. You deserve better and so does Bella.

I feel that we get so caught up in the Twilight fandom to see how unhealthy the story is. And I am an offender as well, but I plan to point out those features to show how Bella grows and becomes a respectable woman with dignity, not a doll that trips on air.

Love hurts, but it is not blind nor is it enough to let the issues mention above skate by like its nothing. And I wanted to show that.

Girls need to learn self-respect. A guy does not define you nor do other people, you define yourself and if you left others make decisions for you, then you will lose out in the end.

This will be Bella's journey of finding herself and living away from a very unhealthy relationship, so it will** not **be Twilight perfect, so please don't complain about some bashing or how Bella is perfect with Edward or Jacob. Sorry for being mean, but it is what it is.

Please review and tell me your thoughts about the topic.


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